My kids are 17, 15 and 12. I have discovered once your kids get to a certain age (17,15,12) they tend to become rather independent. Seriously I am doing college tours with me two oldest! So what does that do for the mom of these 17,15 and 12 year old? For me I felt my identity being lost. I have been a stay at home for 15 years, its what I do - it's who I am. I have always worked from home while being a stay at home mom, but mom has always been who I am. So now I am 40 years old (almost 41!) and the one thing that has been my identity is now transitioning. You know how we just love transition! Then on top of this lovely transition shift, I have discovered my passions transitioning too. Great lets just bring it all at one time, right! My days are even effected by this. This once busy, noisy, none stop house has a new feel. Its now quiet, clean (nothing else to do so clean, right!), empty - not fun! The kids are becoming independent, that is a good thing but a hard thing. Mine and Adams goal for our children has been to give them a solid faith foundation and raise them to become independent people - I didn't really realize it actually happens! So what now!
I don't want to paint this sob story and act like no one wants mom or needs mom. I mean come on, I am mom! Yes when things go array who do they call for - "Mom". When looking franticly for something - "Mom". When at an utter lost - "Mom". When in need of something - "Mom". Yes even when they just need to talk - "Mom. My life is in no way unfulfilling, lonely, empty, unappreciative (an amazing husband makes sure of that), or just down an out unhappy. I do not want to paint that picture. My life is good, blessed, happy and loved. I am hoping to help not just me but others see that life does and will transition. Just wanted to put that out there.
So here is the thing, do to this new transition in my life I stepped it up in areas that I have always had a passion for. Areas that I feel comfortable in and am good at. I think I even pushed a little in these areas too, because I just wanted life back to normal. In my head I was just thinking, just do what you have always done and it will all be good. Wait, remember I also said my passion was transitioning too! In the end these last few months have just been off. It has been super frustrating for me. I am stepping it up in areas that I have always rocked at and I just feel drained. I just didn't get it!
Remember I do not want pitty! My marriage and life is truly blessed!
So what now! I am getting more involved in areas that I have been passionate about for 15 plus years but I am getting frustrated and just drained from it. My poor husband (if you want to have pitty for any one, have it for him!)! Adam would listen and just listen, a good man! Seriously this transition thing just needs to go away! Kids need to stop growing and life just needs to go back to what I am used to!
"I" "I" "I" - that is all I have said. I have left a vital part out of this transition in my life. "GOD"! I have been this transition in my life and have not once given it to God. Not once did I bring it to his feet. Not once did I seek him with this part of my life. Yep it all makes a little bit more sense doesn't it! Last Monday I was up doing my morning devotionals and was wondering why over the last few weeks my morning quiet time just feels off - "Light Bulb" came on! Seriously Heidi are you kidding me! Not once did I seek him with this! Not once! It was at that moment a peace that I had not felt in a very long time came on me. In that moment this transition felt so very small and God felt so big!
Transition is part of our life, no matter who you are. Life is forever shifting and changing. For all you moms out there I encourage you now to begin praying - even if you kids are still little. Pray now for God to be preparing you for the transaction that will come. Transition will happen in all our lives no matter who you are, I encourage you to pray daily for the things to come. Allow God to prepare you for what is next in your life, now. He is preparing us for life daily rather we are seeking him or not, but if we truly seek him now you can be better equipped for when your transition hits. Don't be me!
Side Note: I have also learned that it is important to make time for yourself. Transition will come and if we are taking time for ourselves I do believe this transition will be a little bit more forgiving. I did allow myself to get lost in being a mom (which is not a bad thing, but ladies don't forget to take care of you) - so this transition has been a litter hard on me. Make sure to take time for you because you matter!!
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Thank you :-)